My First Appointment
I had my first appointment with Dr. Larson the end of August (you'll be hearing his name a lot in this blog because he has a huge role in my pregnancies and my sanity). Dr. Larson took me through our pregnancy with the twins back in 2013 when my water broke and delivered at 20 weeks. He's turned into more than just my doctor. He's been my medical rock, my therapist, and has really taken on a father role. Donny was working and wasn't at the appointment, and it was a short visit to just to make sure there was a heartbeat. Dr. Larson came in the room with a big smile (this man loves his job with such passion) and he said "Let's go see that heartbeat!" The ultrasound went great, and he found the heartbeat right away. Just when he was about to wrap up, he saw something in the corner of the screen and snapped the ultrasound wand in a different direction. He just stood there and said nothing (which is rare)... and he slowly put two fingers up. I can't quite remember the seconds after that, but I started crying hysterically, and Dr. Larson had to stop the ultrasound and sit down and gain his own composure. Deep down I felt that my body is not equipt strong enough to carry twins, and he also had the same reservations without flat out saying it. I felt like we were going to watch another tragedy unfold.
We decided that it'd be best to be seen by a high risk pregnancy physician in Rochester just to see what our options were, thinking I could get a cerclage (a procedure to stitch my cervix shut), or shots of progesterone steroids thru the pregnancy. That appointment the end of September was heartbreaking. The physician there basically sat there and shrugged his shoulders and said "Because you're pregnant with twins, you're not a candidate for the cerclage and progesterone is not proven to be effective in twins"... we walked away with no options but to pray for a normal pregnancy.
I saw Dr. Larson every week to check the length of my cervix. Every week crept by... and every week was a victory for me. Every symptom, ache, or pain, Dr. Larson heard from me... and everything would be okay.
Concealing and Revealing the News
Donny and I held off telling anyone we were pregnant until I couldn't hide it anymore. We had a small group of people who did know, and I called them my 'Prayer Peeps': My sister, brother-in-law, Pastor Fred, his wife Stacy, and my friend/co-worker, Lori, who is also pregnant and due in March. Of course, Donny and I had a bit of fun hiding my pregnancy... like filling up beer bottles with rootbeer and recapping them for my niece's birthday party, carrying around a beer at my brother's wedding and 'switching to screwdrivers', and our friend's wedding where I ordered a drink and then 'went to the bathroom' to hunt down our waiter to switch it to non-alcoholic.... but we also had to pass on many events this summer because it would have been impossible to 'hide' due to not drinking (I seriously don't have a drinking problem...beer is a hobby... it really is!)
I was having a lot of anxiety with the thought of telling anyone we were pregnant just because of the heartache we caused so many people around us when we lost the twins in 2013, and that in itself was hard to process. I didn't want the million questions or people worrying about us; and because, frankly, we don't have a good pregnancy history and I know how people think and judge. It's easier for me to deal with things myself as opposed to feeling the need to console and answer to others because of my heartbreak. At week 15, I physically couldn't hide anymore, and my coworkers were the first to hear the news. They're my second family, the people who see me everyday... they know my habits and lifestyle, so it was a complete relief to finally tell them. Then we told our parents... and then we told them to hold off on telling anyone else... just to protect emotions in case something happened.
Concealing and Revealing the News
Donny and I held off telling anyone we were pregnant until I couldn't hide it anymore. We had a small group of people who did know, and I called them my 'Prayer Peeps': My sister, brother-in-law, Pastor Fred, his wife Stacy, and my friend/co-worker, Lori, who is also pregnant and due in March. Of course, Donny and I had a bit of fun hiding my pregnancy... like filling up beer bottles with rootbeer and recapping them for my niece's birthday party, carrying around a beer at my brother's wedding and 'switching to screwdrivers', and our friend's wedding where I ordered a drink and then 'went to the bathroom' to hunt down our waiter to switch it to non-alcoholic.... but we also had to pass on many events this summer because it would have been impossible to 'hide' due to not drinking (I seriously don't have a drinking problem...beer is a hobby... it really is!)
I was having a lot of anxiety with the thought of telling anyone we were pregnant just because of the heartache we caused so many people around us when we lost the twins in 2013, and that in itself was hard to process. I didn't want the million questions or people worrying about us; and because, frankly, we don't have a good pregnancy history and I know how people think and judge. It's easier for me to deal with things myself as opposed to feeling the need to console and answer to others because of my heartbreak. At week 15, I physically couldn't hide anymore, and my coworkers were the first to hear the news. They're my second family, the people who see me everyday... they know my habits and lifestyle, so it was a complete relief to finally tell them. Then we told our parents... and then we told them to hold off on telling anyone else... just to protect emotions in case something happened.
Moving Forward
Week 20 was very emotional for me.... the week we lost our twins last time, and it hit me harder than I thought. It's nothing I can explain other than saying "It was impossibly hard'. I don't expect anyone else to understand unless you've gone thru an infant loss, which I really wish no one would have to because it's not a fun club to be apart of... I'm good at masking my emotions for the most part, which sometimes isn't the best, but that's how I got through it. Getting thru that week was a huge milestone... and then everything started to snowball at week 21...
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