It's a bit surreal to me to be laying in my bed with the glow of the video monitor on my night stand listening to the lullaby song playing over and over... and over... when it feels like just a matter of weeks... maybe a month... ago that I was laying in my hospital bed with a completely different surreal feeling, because "it was all over". I don't know if it's because I'm one of the most sentimental people you'll meet, but I still remember February 12, 2015, down to every hour of that day. I'd be lying if I didn't say that all day today, I kept looking at the clock and I'd think, "A year ago today at this time... I was down in the library." "A year ago today at this time... I was downstairs getting a monster cookie." (Side note: If anyone ever needs to visit Mayo Clinic, the Methodist Cafeteria has the BEST monster cookies... and I swear it wasn't a pregnancy thing!)
The last 10 weeks, I've been replaying scenarios from a year ago as those one year milestones went by. Sometimes, it was so overwhelming I would get the same feelings I did a year ago... uncertainty, panic, completely emotional.
A year later, here we are. A WHOLE YEAR! We made it through NICU, ISCN, CPAP/oxygen machines, brady episodes (when they'd stop breathing), brain scans, EKGs, heart murmurs, gruesome ROP eye tests (TWICE!), tube feeds, major constipation issues, hours upon hours.... and even more hours pumping. And then we were home... and then we were faced with MORE pumping, sleepless nights of timed feedings every 3 hours around the clock, bottle prepping, bottle washing, bottle sanitizing, breast feeding attempts, diaper changes, million and one loads of laundry, countless vomiting episodes, weekly weight checks, pneumonia (times two), two over-night hospital stays, nebulizer treatments, four rounds of antibiotics, chiropractic appointments to correct their flat heads/getting helmets.... oh... and working full time.
Life hasn't been easy, but I wouldn't have it any other way. This past year we have fully invested 100% of ourselves to the girls, but we couldn't have gotten through some of those rough times without our mom's. For instance: Danika was taking a bottle one night this summer, I was feeding her, and she threw up...out of her mouth and nose. She stopped breathing. Her lips turned blue, and I completely lost it. My mom was calm as could be, and her and Donny jumped into action. A couple months later, the girls were battling a horrible, horrible cold. I took the day off, a Thursday, but Cindy showed up, hind sight, I should have known she was coming because she came every Thursday, but I'm a bit frazzled. Anyway, Johnalyn was wheezing too much for my comfort and got to the point where she was struggling to catch a breath. Cindy jumped right in and took care of Danika while I whisked Johnalyn into the doctor. Some days, things were intense, but the Lord always provided what I needed at that time to get through to the next day.
But all of that put aside, I was able to witness two beautiful little girls grow and learn and do things beyond their expectations throughout the year. Witnessing that first laugh and hearing those first coos makes all the 'stuff' above nothing... absolutely nothing.
The sleepless nights are something I won't miss when they're older, but I have memories that I get to cherish forever because of these sleepless nights. I got to see Danika roll over for the first time after her 2:30 am feed at 9 weeks... it felt like we were the only two awake in the world, laying on he floor, in her cozy room...tired was the last feeling I had. Johnalyn was up at 1:00 one morning, and while getting her bottle ready, I looked down at her and she had the biggest grin on her face and she reached her finger up to my mouth, just kept it here, and just stared at me until she closed her eyes and fell asleep. This is my favorite one... the other night Danika was up at 4:00, and I was rocking her in the chair, and I had my eyes closed and then I could hear a whisper "mum, mum, mum, mum". As exhausted as I am, the ones who are exhausting me are also the ones keeping me going.
So, I thought I would gather some stats at one year on the girls and share a bit as to where they're at and how their personalities are flourishing!
Danika:
Weight: 17-1/2 pounds
Teeth: 2! Both on bottom
I Love: Riding my 3-wheeled giraffe, screaming on the top of my lungs in excitement, pulling my sister's hair, chasing Shadow, baths
My favorite foods are: Greek yogurt, bread, baked beans, granola/breakfast bars
I can: Crawl faster than mom can catch me, stand and creep along furniture, crawl up stairs, clap, high five, make 'fish lips', point, play peek-a-boo
Johnalyn:
Weight: 18 pounds
Teeth: 2! On bottom
I Love: My xylophone, climbing into my bumbo chair by myself, stealing my sister's toys, pull my sister's hair
My favorite foods are: Guacamole, bananas, bread, granola/breakfast bars
I can: Crawl, stand and creep along furniture, almost stand alone, climb in things, crawl up stairs, clap, point, play peek-a-boo
I'm sure I'm missing a few things, but the girls are developmentally almost on track. There are some things that they are slower, but there is no concern regarding their development... and actually are doing some things at a 16 month level (They can scoot around with their 3-wheeled giraffe). They are pretty amazing little girls. They are becoming pretty fluent on the sippy cup, but it's taken us about 10 different cups to find 'the one'! They LOVE to feed themselves, and they LOVE food.
A year ago, I was watching the tv in my hospital room. On the TV were my girls. They were live streaming from their room for me. I was watching their incredible nurses take care of them. I was watching the girls move ever so slightly... so tiny, so fragile. My heart was bursting with pride. I was in a euphoria. In a sense, that euphoria hasn't worn off because the girls are doing something every day that brings back that feeling. I love being a mom. I'm a frazzled, unorganized, tired mom... but I've been trying my best and giving it my all...and here we are a year later.. and i have two girls calling me mum mum!
I'll post pictures later! It's late... and I know one of the girls will be up very soon... so, I'm signing off to take a nap!
